1, 2, 3, SMILE!

“Ok ready? 1,2,3, Smile!” Those words are literally my worst nightmare.

I had found my true love, soul mate and best friend online. When Brad asked me to marry him I thought I was going to explode from excitement. I immediately starting buying all the wedding magazines and had a Pinterest board for every aspect of my wedding. As I flipped through the pages of the magazines and saw all the smiles on the brides faces, I couldn’t help but be a little sad. I thought that I would never be that beautiful or happy in my pictures.

I knew my pictures were going to be different because I have a rare disease called Oculopharyngodistal Myopathy which falls under the Muscular Dystrophy family. It basically kills off all the healthy muscles in your body with one of the most noticeable things being my ability to smile. I know!! Imagine not being able to smile?! The best is the reactions of people when they tell me to “smile” and I say sorry I cant. I’m pretty sure I hold the world record for the best RBF though.

I had so many ideas for our engagement shoot and we went and bought the perfect outfits just for the pictures. The day finally arrives for our fall vineyard shoot and I’m pretty sure it was the hottest day of the year, so there went our fall sweater look. My anxiety was terrible that morning. I was upset by the weather, not being able to smile in the pictures and trying to decide if I should just tell our photographer before we even started. Well, she arrived and we started right away without me filling her in on my dirty little secret. Before I knew it we were done and I had so much fun doing it. And the best part? Not once did she say “Smile!!” it was a miracle. Now to be fair, I had gone to school with her which helped but she just made me feel so at ease and I could just be myself.

Our wedding day had me a thousand times more anxious than our engagement shoot as I knew there would be 150 eyes on me all day long. The day was absolutely perfect from start to finish. Once the pictures started it took everything in me not to ask to see every picture after it was taken. I had so many internal conversations that day about how I looked, would my pictures be ruined, are people going to tell me to smile? Then I just decided, this is me. I can’t change it, no one can. These people are here because they love me not because of how I look. Brad was there to marry me because he loves who I am inside and out and doesn’t care that I can’t smile. After that, I enjoyed every second of the day and had a blast.

A couple weeks passed and our pictures were ready!! Eekkk!! Yup, cue some more anxiety. Well… I loved each one more than the previous one I looked at. I may not have had a big wide smile in my pictures but you can definitely see my happiness shining through. This disease has affected me in more ways than just my ability to smile. Every day there is always some challenge to get past but I refuse to stop. One step at a time.

So the next time someone tells you to smile for the camera, strike an RBF pose just for me.

– Jen